* ain't no denyin' what's real.

I miss you guys & everyone else in Kansas.

Sorry Tumblr,

I’ve neglected you for quite some time now..

What to say, what to say..

same shit different day.

Kansas in 6 days! <3

*1

I just wanna go home.

No one understands how it feels to be so damn lonely living in this huge ass city. No one.

I hate it here.

Save me?

*2

<3

Me: Lol how am i special?

Him: You’re special in every way. From top to bottom. From your out going personality to your outstanding beauty. Every inch of you i’m full of passion that i can’t stand to not have in my life.

Me: Whoaaaa! Didn’t expect that. I’m so speechless i don’t even know what to say! Now are them sincere words or they some buttering words? Lol

Him: I don’t like butter unless it’s on my popcorn.

Had me cheesin’ like a bitch! Some people think i’m stupid & naive to hear & believe this shit. But hey, i can’t help it, i love me a sweet talker. So fuck you! :)

KANSAS HERE I COME.

Definitely gonna text everyone right when i get there around what, 3 or 4am? yeeeeah! :)

If you wanna kick it, you gots to hit me up. not my responsibility to call and ask you if you wanna hang. i already know who i wanna kick it with. don’t say i’m shady if you not hittin’ me up!

OOHHHHH SO EXCITED! <3

*1

Until i get to see all my friends in wichita <3 I’m so fuckin’ excited words can’t even explain. It’s been awhile since i’ve been on tumblr so why don’t i just update my life! Been shopping around for clothes & shiettt. Gotta get outfits for the graduations, parties, and clubbing! :D AWH SHIET! I’m so fuckin’ hyped about it.. Even tho it’s only gonna be for a week :( Much better than nothing! So many things to do, people to see, places to be! That week is gonna go by fast. I’ma be makin’ it into town RIGHT ON GRADUATION DAY!! This trip is the only thing i’m looking forward to right now. Can’t wait to reunite with my bestfriends, see everyone else, & see my old house again. The only thing i’m not looking forward to? Is going home.. wondering when the next time i’ll see everyone again… From then? my life is.. going back to where it was. Sad.

WORK. So when i first got that job at Rack Room Shoes? Yeah they told me i’d only work like 5 - 10 hours. It started bumpin’ up. & now i work 50 hours a week. Stackin’? Hell no. All these bills to pay. I enjoy my job tho. Just not the long hours. I love my managers :) They always know how to cheer a girl up. Fuckin’ niggas always got me laughin’!

ARMY. Sooooo, i’m not joining the air force anymore. I’m officially enlisted in the army and i’m leaving for basic training on Sept. 28th. Crazy huh? I’m super excited yet scared at the same time.. I can’t believe i’m done with the asvab, the physical, & pickin’ my job. I’m going to be a health care specialist! My life is going to start soon..

The hurt from awhile ago has been fading. I think of you from time to time. I catch myself smiling because i’ll think of a cute moment we had, but following that smile is a frown because i am then reminded of what you did to me. Sometimes the “realest shit” turn out to be fake. I’ll get over it.. eventually. Karma should be on it’s way.

& you.. You talk to me when it’s convenient. When you need something. Tellin’ me all these lies. You don’t care for me, you’re just like that otha nigga. You do me wrong not replyin’ to my call or texts. & you wanna get mad at me because you “thought” i didn’t say hi back? Tellin’ me i’m bein’ disrespectful & all this bullshit. Well baby, you needa taste of your own medicine. I hate bein’ mean to you cause it just don’t feel right. I guess i just ain’t heartless like i hope to be. I want you to feel what i feel, do you the way you do me. But i’m not cruel like you.. Your cute face won’t fool me anymore.. I hope..

;;

It sucks to think of the times we had, & i would sit there and cheese like hell.. but the thought that comes after? Is you did me wrong.. I think of the silly times we had & it’d make me so damn happy. Cause it was real. Or at least it felt real. It turned out all fake. It hurts.

i miss you.

Amazing how manipulating someone can be..

It is what it is.

All those lies you told. The sincerity in your voice. I believed it all. Come to find out, i was NOTHING to you. You amaze me. Words cannot even describe how appalled i am. You had my trust. I put my insecurites, doubts, and true feelings out on the line. You assured me that i was just trippin’ and thinkin’ too much that what we had was real. We was takin’ it slow. I know it ain’t been too long.. But it was a relationship i was looking forward to oh so much. Lies on top of lies on top of LIES. How did you do it?

It hits me most from the moment i hit my bed, to the moment i wake up. I even feel it in my sleep. Like someone reminding me.. how shitty i feel, and that it is all real. That it did happen. You played me damn hard, and damn well. Thanks for giving me high hopes.

My hands shake, and my eyes water. I still can’t believe it happened to me. But who’s complaining, cause i can’t even imagine how she feels..

WOW.

You had me fooled. You had everyone fooled. You got me good. This shit fuckin’ hurts. & i can’t even imagine how she feels. You were the only thing that made me fuckin’ happy. & come to find out about this shit? You’re amazing. You deserve an award. Fuckin’ amazing.

You are so fuckin’ dirty.